Some girls just know from the start that they will marry a pastor. Some tell the Lord that they will marry a pastor, and some say they would never marry one. By dating a ministerial student, some always increase their opportunity of marrying some kind of pastor. That’s me in the last group. I dated—and married—a preacher boy… with a missions major.

As a child, I had told the Lord I’d be willing to go to the mission field, never knowing where, when, or how that would be. During our engagement, I even envisioned us working with a remote people, and determined to do without such superfluous things as a wedding set of find china.

After our wedding, we did travel, but only a few states away. For Dave was accepted—not by a mission’s agency, but as youth pastor of a church. At that point, I did what every wife does …I went along. Not a mission field--or a piece of china—in sight. My name tag now read, “Marilyn Janke, Youth Pastor’s Wife”.

The last youth pastor’s wife (YPW) must have taken her shoes with her, for when I went to fill them, they were nowhere in sight (I never did find them). Filling my own shoes was challenge enough. From our wedding 2 weeks previously, I went from something old, to several things new: new husband, new part of the country (a west-coast girl has a lot to learn about humidity, lightning bugs, copious amounts of snow, and oceans…well, what are those?), and new ministry (I had taken--and passed--the requisite Pastor’s Wife class). Though an Elementary Ed. Major, I was not expecting to teach our first year. However, I was hastily called into service a few days before school began, so …new teacher as well.

What does a YPW do, besides caring for her youthful husband? Here are a few ways she could serve. She could help in Sunday School, sing in the choir, sing solos, duets, trios, play the piano where needed, and teach in children’s club.. She could go with her husband to Friday night school ball games, Saturday youth activities, and to church on Sunday afternoons to prepare her classroom. She could attend all-nighters with the youth, feed and house visiting speakers, attend school conferences and contests, have a parade of youth through her house, and let a fatherless teen crash on the living room couch overnight. She could go to meetings and banquets…staff meetings, prayer meetings, ladies’ meetings, grad banquets, sports banquets, Valentine’s Day banquets, and (without a mother or a daughter) mother-daughter banquets.


As well, I quickly learned what a YPW does not do. Our first service was a Wednesday night, and the song leader asked me to fill in for the regular pianist. Of course, I said, “No.” However, when you’re in the ministry, there is little time to nurse the fear of making mistakes and, in the future I was treated to plenty of other opportunities to share my keyboard—and other-- foibles. As a non-gregarious girl, though, I had a steep learning curve in the fear department, and developed a bad habit at the onset of our new ministry.

For awhile on Sundays, I did my best to avoid small talk (and any talk) by zipping back to hide out in my husband’s office after the church service. I didn’t have a phobia of people, nor did I dislike them. But, there I was…smack dab in a new church, not knowing anyone (except the youthful youth pastor). I felt unsure of myself as a conversationalist, and worried about interrupting, of making foolish comments, of stumbling over my words, of initiating unintelligent or boring conversations and having them fall flat, and of waiting for people to seek me out. I had visions of them doing mental eye-rolling as they stopped talking and made room for me. Also, with people often in a hurry to get somewhere after the service, who would have time to stop and chat with me.

The Lord had to work with me awhile on this. He helped me see it as sin, selfishness, and, more specifically, as pride--not a pretty thought, as a YPW. Oh, I knew of the ongoing battle we as Christians have with the old sin nature. I just wasn’t prepared for the Lord to call me up as part of the object lesson. At first, I cheated a bit and looked for people who were sitting or standing by themselves, simply because I would not have to approach a group. Gradually however, I saw them as individuals rather than a mass of church members, and had a desire to find out what was happening in their lives. It became more than just, “Ok, I need to be talking to someone…whom can I find?” I realized that I wanted this to become part of my ministry as well—getting to know the people in my new church.

As well as getting to know the adults, there were endless opportunities to practice this ministry with the youth. You can’t be around them long without talking about their lives, families, dreams, and of course, boys, and girls. The greatest part was seeing their thirst for the Word and for spiritual things, and listening to (and attempting to answer) their endless questions.

The Lord did move us on to the mission field, but I look back often—and gratefully-- on those few short years in the youth ministry. And this time—when accepted by a mission board—though no fine china to pack, I did get to take along the lessons I had learned. I practice them often, and He continues to add to my list. So though, early in our ministry, the Lord worked with me on my selfishness and pride, I daily see that there is always plenty more where that came from!



Philippians 2:3 “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.
Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.”


First published in Frontline magazine.