I will never have to worry about someone running up to me and pleading, "We need you to be our next hand model-- oh please, please consider this offer and let us know immediately." My hands have spent too many years inappropriately attired . Should have worn rubber gloves while washing dishes and diapers (pre-disposable era). Should have worn garden gloves while weeding (who can get all those roots, though). Should have worn winter gloves at the first hint of a cold front (but then I'd need a pair in each coat to keep from losing them). But alas-maybe for me it is not too late. Which is why I read, with interest, the article on how to make my hands soft and beautiful-looking (I took note that it did not purport youthfulness).

The article first informed me that I should add a teaspoon of almond oil to the dishwater when I wash dishes. Is that before I shut the dishwasher door, or after? How will that help my hands? Should I put my hands inside, or will the dishwasher cease to run? Maybe I should wear rubber gloves...

The next tip was to "wash hands thoroughly with warm water and mild soap for about 15 seconds. Pat dry with a soft towel." I think my hands would already be quite clean from the dishwasher episode. And, I would need to inform my family not to bother me while I'm patting my hands dry with a soft towel. Will paper towels work? Since my other towels are about 6 yrs. old, all of the soft has worn off.

Another idea was to, once a week, exfoliate my hands by using an old toothbrush to scour them with sea salt and lemon juice. Like I want to get rid of any skin I still have? Besides, any dead cells have been scraped off on any given episode of "In the Kitchen With Marilyn".

One I really liked was to smear hands with honey and olive oil, put on plastic and cotton gloves, then hope that no one needed you for the next 30 min. If I did sit down (not wise to do during the day-- too sleep-inducing) and the dog didn't lick the honey and oil dripping down my arms, it just might work. Then for supper, I could just toss the salad with my hands.

During a day I can warm the same cup of coffee three times and, each time, forget to remove it from the microwave, so this next one is out. It required nuking a cup of milk for 30 seconds, then soaking my hands in it for 5 minutes (would you then pat the milk dry with a soft towel, or would you have to rinse off your hands, first?). The stuff would curdle by the time I found the cup.

You'll have to admit that the human hand is a very cool custom-designed piece of hardware. The Lord knew that we would need something strong, flexible, resilient, lightweight, waterproof, and something that we could never lose. Can you imagine trying to remember where you put your hands ("I know I had them when I got out of the car!")? What other tool could you think of that would allow you to hang on to 5 bags of groceries, 2 kids, a purse, and still fish the keys from your pocket?

Think of all of the things your hands may have done over the years. They may have baked, bounced, braided, bundled, buttoned, caressed, clapped, clasped, crumpled, faxed, folded, gripped, grabbed, held, mailed, painted, patted, pinned, petted, plucked, pointed, pulled, pushed, rinsed, shook, smoothed, snapped, soothed, squeezed, stirred, strung, tucked, twisted, typed, washed, wrung, wiped, yanked, and that's just naming a few. Busy little things, aren't they! (Makes me want to treat myself to a paraffin dip-- that was another tip).

Have you, like me, ever done any of those things with your hands, and wish that you hadn't? Were some of the hand motions accompanied by gritting teeth and grating voice? Sometimes our hands seem to have minds of their own-- we appear to be unaware of what they are doing. But being Christ-like extends to our hands, as well. Christ's scarred hands would be unpopular today (His holy hands, even less), and would surely have someone urging Him to run to the hand care aisle of Costmore and pick up something to get rid of those unsightly nail scars. "Thou hast also given me the shield of Thy salvation; and Thy right hand hath holden me up, and Thy gentleness hath made me great." Psalm 18:35 is just one example of what His hands have done for us. What have ours done for Him? "Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might;" Eccles. 9:10

Thankfully, my hands can still type, bend at the joints on command, open a mean jar of pickles using Mister Twister, fill up my wedding ring, and apply nail polish. They don't run when washed in hot water, always fit into "one size fits all" mittens, work great, and are always right where I left them.

So, maybe I should be a little less concerned with the way my hands look, and a little more concerned with what they do (unless, of course, someone wanted to send me to a hand spa, but that would be too much like a hint, wouldn't it?). Besides-- think of all I'll save on almond oil!